9:23 a.m. - 2006-10-24
It's time for my medication
Lately I've spent all my time buried under a big mound of depression. I cry. I sleep. I cry some more. I ignore my family in order to read because the only thing that keeps me sane is a constant mental distraction. Television and books, books and television. I haven't felt this overwhelmed since my mother committed suicide nine years ago.
In about 10 minutes I'm leaving to go see my doctor to beg for drugs. It's embarrassing and I find it very, very difficult to 'ask for help'. I've consoled myself with St. Johns Wort for these past few years, but lately it just doesn't work any longer. At all.
I realized finally that it's not fair to make Bill and Chloe live with the zombie that they call wife and mother. It's not fair that I have to live with myself feeling like this every single day. I don't understand why I feel this bad. I can't explain or rationalize. I honestly have NOTHING to cry about. (except for my job, but that's a whole 'nother set of emotions) I just know that I DO CRY and I want to stop.
Someone else can have my turn.
Wish me luck trying to explain this to my doctor.
