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9:38 a.m. - 2004-04-29
yellowy-what a great word!
I used to have one EXCELLENT moment in each day. That one moment when the clouds separate and a bright, yellowy ray of clarity spikes into my brain and I think, I feel, I KNOW...

Now those moments are rare. I haven't had one in months now.

somehow the clouds are getting darkerthickermoreominous.

There's so much I've lost. so goddamned much. Why do I fucking lament over a lack of joy when noone is joyful anymore? It's because that ray of clarity keeps slipping farther and farther from my grasp. It takes longer and longer in between smiles. and that fucking sucks.



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