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3:48 p.m. - 2006-12-07
My humps! My lovely lady lumps!
Today is my baby sister's 30th birthday. There is something a little sad about the youngest of your siblings turning 30. (specially when you're the OLDEST!) I guess I'll be even sadder when her scrawny ass turns 50. Sucks to be first sometimes!

I have the kid, the husband, the mil, the step-fil, the nephews, and the cats all something for christmas. I guess everyone else is getting a check. I don't have time to go back to the mall. Would canned goods be an acceptable stocking stuffer? Look, honey! Santa left you PEAS! with pearl onions and mushrooms!

Tomorrow night is the big birthday sleepover and my baby is so freaking excited she can barely sleep at night. Tonight we bake cupcakes and hang streamers. I told the kid she had to blow up the balloons, because momma hadn't quit smoking all the way just yet and I don't think I have air for all eleventy kajillion balloons we bought.

The rug rat picked a sponge bob theme this year. Blue and yellow and... uhmm.. spongy. Also I think I finally convinced the husband that she needs the Crusty Crab Lego playset with SpongeBob, Mr. Crabs, Squidwert, and Plankton. Bill was all... "She's too old for legos and she didn't ask for them." So I was all like, "Goddamnit William! My baby is playing dress up with real mascara and going to concerts and talking about boys! You'd better get to the toy store and buy those mother fucking legos or else! And throw in a baby doll while you're at it! I'm not ready for my little girl to be all pre-teeny and shit!'

So he's going to the toy store tomorrow on his lunch hour.

'Bout mofuckin time he recognized that the legos were all about ME! and my needs!

(could i possibly use one more exclamation point here? I suppose i'll attempt to squeeze in a few more before i'm done)

Soo.. that's it for Thursday. Except! (told you) This morning just for shits and giggles I took my measurements. Big freaking mistake. I finally weened myself off the scale every single day and drug out the tape measurer instead. I almost hit my head on the tub when I saw that my waist is 32 inches. THIRTY-TWO! FREAKING! INCHES! I mean, that's like three Scarlet O'Haras. On the bright side, the rest of me was at least symmetrical. (i don't do the whole asemmetry is cool thing. i think it looks whomp-sided) but at thirty eight inches! That's right, my measurements were 38/32/38. Oink oink bitches. That's a looong way from the 34/24/34 I was when I got married. Good thing the spouse loves my big, juicy ba dunk a dunk. Otherwise he'd trade me in for two smaller girls.

Okay, enough talking about depressing shit. I'm baking cupcakes tonight so I don't need to pre-guilt myself into not eating one. It's bad luck to turn down a piece of birthday cake. so I'll be taking tiny bites out of every single one.

It's for the karma, baby. Just for the karma.

Happy Thursday!



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