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8:36 a.m. - 2005-10-27
In the quasi-immortal words of Huey Lewis and the News, "I wanna a new drug." Seriously, I've been taking St Johns Wort for about a year now to tone down my OCD behaviour (notice how I spelled that all Britishy and shit? with a 'u' in it?) and the St. Johns isn't doing it for me any longer. I've recently starting in again with the depression, imsomnia, worrying, stressing, blurting out foul language like a drunk person with Tourettes syndrome. My temper is off the chart and I'm mad as hell at EVERYONE except Bill and Chloe. Today I wore my grandmother's ring, hoping to absorb some leftovers of her gentle spirit by osmosis. Maybe if I keep in on long enough, all things that are good and grandma-like will soak in.

Great idea, dumbass! When you start taking geritol and sporting rolled down support hose, I guess it's time to take off the ring!

Anywhoo... I'm really, really hesitant to go ask my doc for drugs. Because 1) I'll never want to have sex with poor horny Groovn-husband and 2) My fucking co-pay is $30 for a month's supply of pills and I already take Nexium and birth control so a 3rd prescription would knock me up to $90 per month.

I think I'm going to start going to the gym again and banging out my stress on a treadmill and some free weights. That would solve my 20 extra pounds problem, plus I would be too winded to smoke so maybe I could quit smoking. PLUS when I'm working out regularly I feel all sexy buff and shit so I let Groovn-husband get a little sumpin sumpin if you know what I'm sayin.

The gym membership is $35 per month. Anyone else see the irony in that? :-)

I'm trying today not to be so fucking depressed. I will try not to scream at anyone. I will not say goddamn in front of Chloe while preparing dinner (I totally did the other night and I still feel guilty about it) I will try not to spend all evening alternately sleeping and watching HGTV and go actually TALK to my husband. and for christ's fucking sakes already I will try not to bitch so much.

Wish me luck with that last one. :-)

Okay, on a totally less psychopathic note, Tuesday was Chloe school awards ceremony and our teacher's meeting. Chloe has all A's (always has-and yep, I'm unashamedly bragging in this section, you can stop reading if you can't stand it!)Where was I? Oh yeah, all A's, she was also a Character Kid (not sure what that means, but she got a ribbon for it!) and she was also elected ambassador for the 2nd grade. Ambassador gets to help show the new kids around, and invites them to play at recess and all that kinda shit. I'm proud! They did a big bulletin board with Chloe's picture on it and everything. Then, the teacher's meeting. C-baby's teacher this year looks.. well... a little 'weathered' if ya know whiat I mean. She has on a little too much make-up and long platinum blonde hair. She's pushing 50 and dresses like a 20 year old. I'm trying not to be judgemental, because when I'm pushing 50 and get a sudden urge for platinum blonde hair and skimpy clothes I don't want people to be all dissing me behind my back. You hear that B'Jo?! Don't be hating on the mid-life crisis! BUT the teacher seems really nice, and she spent 45 minutes telling me how amazingly intelligent Chloe is and what a joy she is to have in class. According to teach, we're raising the next Mother Theresa, so now I'm thinking her mid-life crisis includes smoking large amounts of weed each day as well. :-) But, the grades and behaviour (that 'u' again!) marks are excellent, and at age 7, she's reading at around a 4th grade reading level. I don't know what the fuck Bill and I are doing, but it can't be too horribly wrong (Beating on all wood surfaces profusely!!!) Yay me!

Happy Thursday!
(one more day til Friday)



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