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8:30 a.m. - 2005-06-28
My ass
**warning! I will be discussing various bodily functions today. Don't read this if you can't handle that!**

My ass hurts.


I have a daughter who is 7.5 years old and while I was pregnant, I developed hemmoroids. They have NEVER gone away. In eight whole years! If anything, they have gotten worse in the past few months due to the decision to finally start taking fiber supplements. The fiber is necessary, because Bill finally convinced me that it is NOT normal to only shit once a week. So now I'm a semi-regular pooper. Can I get a high-five, anyone? anyone? I'm talking about up to three times a week and counting. But, unfortunately, that has aggravated my ass problem. To the point that my glorious desk job has become an excruciating exercise in pain. Does anyone know where I can get a doughnut pillow? Please?

So, my options are:

1. stop taking the fiber

(I'm loathe to do this, because once I realized that people DO poop more than once a week, well... I want to be just like everyone else in this regard. Call me a sheep-go ahead. But I want to be NORMAL! haha, I should've said REGULAR! pun totally intended)

2. Go to the doctor

(Can't do this option. My nurse is one of my customers and I will never, ever, ever be able to sell her insurance again if I have to tell her that my ass is broken!!! Not to mention, I'm assuming there will be some sort of *exam* That's a big screaming 'hell no!' for me thanks)

3. Do nothing and just suffer.

(Preparation H, here I come.)

This sucks.

On the bright side, I have mastered the 'all your weight on one hip, legs crossed, professional-looking method of sitting.

In other news fronts today, my sister has totally gone off the deep end. Dad's still in the hospital. Yesterday the nurses got his oxygen back up to 100% so they took him off all the life support crap and found him a rehabilitative nursing home to go to. This is supposed to be where he goes to relearn walking, talking, feeding himself, taking his own self to the bathroom. (He's always been a regular pooper, so I know it's not genetic!) In the meantime, dear sister has managed to alienate almost everyone who knows her. I have her friends and roommates calling me at work to tell her how fucking bitchy she's been lately. To the point of being psycho!! One friend, told dear sis she's not allowed back over to her home, because Erica freaked so badly she scared her friend's children. Her roommate is about to politely ask her to leave. Luckily she has an appointment July 7th to get on meds. Normally I don't condone excessive use of anti-depressants. I think for the most part, they just cover up the symptoms, rather than help alleviate anything for the long-term. But I'm telling you now, this girl is a walking advertisement for Lithium!!

I'm literally counting down the days to her appointment.

I'm considering going with her to her doctor to make sure they give her the really, really good stuff. And uuhh, can't you take a look at my ass while you're at it?

Happy Tuesday. Three more alarm clock mornings until the three day weekend!



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