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9:15 a.m. - 2004-09-14
Losing my religion
I didn't 'lose' my religion, it was taken from me. Ripped away like peeling back a scab from an infected sore. Exposing the raw, red, irritated skin beneath. Leaving me hurting. Different. Better?

How can I hold faith with a dogma that says all suicides must burn in hell? My mom committed suicide. Do you think I can truly believe she's spending an afterlife writhing in agony, paying for her sins???? That's bullshit, my friend. Total fucking bullshit.

Audrey was a wonderful person. Yeah, she was crazy. Aren't we all? But her presence in my life filled me with such joy, and that superimposes any so-called sins. Everyone who knew her, loved her. That love, in my opinion, absolves Mom from any of Christianity's tight-assed beliefs of hell and paying in the afterlife.

So... where am I at now? I've searched. I've researched. I've ranted, and raged. Now I've come to terms with my religion, or lack thereof.

There is no god. (no capital letters for this non-believer!) Maybe there was a Jesus. But he was no son of a god. Jesus was a humanist. Jesus taught good, basic moral values like love thy neighbor, don't steal, don't lie. One of the most controversial, yet true statements ever made is that religion is the opiate of the masses. Why else would us dumb, human animals not rape and pillage and plunder? What other incentive is there for us to be 'good', if not some fear of getting our asses fried in a fiery pit of demons? Reread that statement. Is not the concept of hell ludicrous? As is the concept of a good, benevolent protector watching over his children. What the fuck ever!!

There is no afterlife. This is all we've got people! If you cheat on your taxes, the only person who is going to hold you accountable is the irs and your own conscience. If you kill someone, once again: your conscience and a judge and jury. If you spend your life in self-debasement and castigation, forsaking all wordly goods for the sanctitiy of your god... when you die, you're just dead. No one is going to fly down to you with fluffy angel wings and put a crown on your head and a glass of wine in your hand. Your body will decay. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Kinda disheartening huh? Until you realize we make our own heaven, and our own hell. Live your life joyfully because there is no piper to pay.



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