1:01 p.m. - 2004-05-04
For fucking real.
Sunday afternoon, I'm standing in the kitchen, thinking about taking a shower and maybe having a beer (because I don't drink before I shower fuck that after 5:00 rule, once you shampoo, rinse, and repeat:it's Miller time baby) Any whoo... I decided I'd better open up some of the mail stacked on the kitchen counter, so Bill will have plenty of space to make dinner on. :-) I open up a letter from my bank. It says "to avoid collections we have debited $603.35 from your checking account. see above referenced account number"
I'm all like "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?"
So I read it to Bill. and he's all like "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?" too.
After an hour or so of deliberation, we finally figure out that the account number they were talking about was in fact, another bank account number. My mother has an account at the same bank as I do. So... I call her. I ask her for her account number. She gets all defensive and I start explaining. So, I uncover that this stupid bitch whore has spent $27,000 in a couple of months and now her bank account is in the negative. It's in the negative by $603.35 in fact. Coincidence? mmm, I think not. So Monday I call the jackasses at my bank. That's Arvest Bank if anyone wants to close their accounts now. I'm supposed to be listed as the beneficiary on dear fucking mother's account. Instead the brainiacs at Arvest have me listed as a joint account holder. So I politely explain that I didn't sign up for another account. There must be some mistake. To cut this short... I talked to customer service assholes, manager assholes, department head assholes and they all said the same thing... You ain't getting your money back. The teller who originally set up dear fucking mother's account, listed me as joint account holder, not beneficiary. So Arvest feels they are completely justified in taking money out of my account to satisfy d.f.m.'s debts. In addition to that, they refused to take me off that account. All the assholes would say is "That account has been closed" They wouldn't give me anything in writing to show that I would no longer be held responsible for that account. It seems that I can't make changes on a closed account. BUT if dear fucking mother writes another check, Arvest has my personal account to back it up with. Is this the biggest load of SHIT you've ever heard in your life?!????
I can't just close my account, because if she writes a check and they clear it through my account again, then the checks I have outstanding will bounce. And let me clarify one thing: I DON'T bounce checks! I don't have banking problems. I don't have late bills. That's one of the extreme benefits of being anal retentive to the point of insanity. Your little crap like that gets taken care of.
So, I told d.f.m that she has until noon on Wednesday to drag her ass to my house with $603.35 or she'd better lose my phone number. Then I wrote a letter to the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System. This is a federal regulatory system for banks. I cc'd Arvest's president, district branch manager, and local branch manager. If I'm on her account as joint holder, then am I not legally entitled to notification of account balances? Problems? Privacy information? Why didn't someone just send me a letter, or call me if there was a problem? Instead, they took money out of my account and sent me a letter AFTER the fact. I'm pissed off and heads are going to roll people!